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Good God Lemon, you’d think a woman who wears tennis shoes every day would be able to hit a decent forehand.
wilfulwilf replied to your post:dreading going to work tomorrow if i can actually…
Ugh honey *hugs* I wish you were close by so I could come over. Is your doggy with you? x
No, Jess has her with her up in Scotland this week. Two of my friends drove up to see me this afternoon and brought me food which was so amazing of them. I just feel so empty, Caro :/
dreading going to work tomorrow
if i can actually bring myself to leave the house it’ll be a miracle
going to try and go to sleep now if i can calm myself down, then get up at the buttcrack so i have plenty of time to get into town. i don’t know exactly what time i’m in but i think it’s 12. i’m going to get in early so i can apologise to my boss in person rather than just over the phone.
i don’t know if i’m going to be able to work though. i really don’t. i can’t stay at home all day because it will just make me worse, but the thought of having customers talking at me from all sides is terrifying. the thought of being out in public is terrifying. i don’t want to be by myself, but i don’t want to be with people. i just want someone to sit in bed with me and stroke my hair until i stop feeling like this. and i know, just taying in bed will only make me feel worse but i can’t face anything else.
i didn’t go to work today
i just didn’t show up. i’ve never done that.
i managed to sleep last night, but then i woke up at 11 feeling like shit
i got textsand calls of of people when i didn’t show up at 4 and i just ignored them. i couldn’t fucking answer them. these are people that i love and trust but right now i wouldn’t let any of them in my house if they came round.
tw: self harm under the break
just spent 5.5 hours in A&E.
i got my boss to take me there after work today as i needed to see the pysch team and i knew i wouldn’t actually go if i had to take myself there
so he took me and made me promise to stay (he had to get back home to another town bc of his kids). so i stayed. it was fucking awful. 1 friend came to stay with me for a couple of hours, but she’s just split up with her bf so she was really upset herself.
after being assessed for 40 minutes, they told me i have “reactive depression”, that i should probably go back to counselling (duh, i wouldn’t have left if i hadn’t had to), and gave me the number of a 24 hour counselling line.
really fucking helpful guys.
i don’t know how i’m going to get through tonight
i have never been more terrified of myself